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Buy the hardcover on AmazonA book by Jan Kaa Kristensen · Psychologist
🏅 Finalist · 2021 I&I Book Awards, Chanticleer International Book Awards
What story will your kids tell about your divorce — when they're grown up?
The Danish way of divorcing: a psychologist's practical guide to co-parenting without falling to pieces.
2021 I&I Book Awards finalist · 4.24 on Goodreads · Written by a clinical psychologist
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$7.99 — launching November 11, 2026
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Join the launch list — first 100 readers get 50% offAbout the book
Almost half of all marriages end, yet divorce rarely feels normal or easy. It's a demanding upheaval — for you, your ex, and above all your children. This book shifts the focus away from divorce itself and onto the thing that matters most for children: how well their parents manage to cooperate afterwards.
Across ten chapters, it walks through the emotional and practical work of separating well: staying inside your window of tolerance when emotions run high, finding a realistic level of cooperation, building a new life and identity, and giving your children the support they need. Its stories are drawn from many real families — and its message is steady throughout: with the right care and support, almost everyone can get through this without falling to pieces.
The book was named a Finalist in the 2021 I&I Book Awards for Instruction & Insight Non-Fiction, a division of the Chanticleer International Book Awards.
Take care of yourself
Widen your window of tolerance so you can parent well.
Cooperate realistically
Find a collegial working relationship that serves your kids.
Give children what they need
Understand their world and protect them through the change.
What readers say
★★★★
4.24 on Goodreads
34 ratings · none below 3 stars · 2021 Chanticleer International Book Award finalist
A beautiful explanation of the untouched emotions in the unhappy endings of life. Even with a heavy heart, you can relate to it and feel lighter as the book proceeds.
Shaambhavi Mehrotra, Goodreads
It's written in the second person, so it feels like the author is talking directly to you — like he knows what you're going through.
Derrick, Goodreads (4/4 stars)
Reading this book felt like being in a comfort zone, where everything has a solution. Like talking to a therapist.
Kreetika Baruah, Goodreads
Free reflection
Your child needs you to be bigger than the conflict
The first chapter introduces the window of tolerance — a simple model for staying steady when emotions run high. Read it free.
Where are you in your divorce?
A short, gentle reflection — about 3 minutes. Not a test, and not a diagnosis. There are no wrong answers.
Just a clearer, kinder picture of where you are right now.
About the author
I'm Jan Kaa Kristensen — a psychologist and specialist in clinical psychology. I came to the field of divorce as a professional, and what I saw stayed with me: how many parents got caught in the conflict, and how many children quietly suffered because of it.
Then I watched friends of mine go through divorces too. Again and again it was one of life's great upheavals — a genuine personal crisis they needed help to come through. Over more than ten years, in my own practice and in the public sphere, one thing kept proving true: what hurts children most isn't the divorce itself, but the conflict around it. And that part can be changed.
I led the divorce division at the Center for Family Development, and the projects "Parents Together — Separately" and "Shared Children — Whole Children." I teach professionals who work with divorced families, and I've served on the advisory committee for the Family Court House in Denmark. This book gathers all of that knowledge in one place — for you, standing in a divorce, and for your children.
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